Working Papers or "Veniam Pro Laudo Peto"
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The Holy Name of God

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Praised be Jesus Christ!! Now and Forever!!
I get so frustrated when I fail to progress as fast as I want to in the spiritual life or especially when I fall. I have to remind myself that this is a journey that takes great struggle and to not count on my own strength or abilities. I have to remind myself of the infinite Mercy of God and that through Christ there is nothing that is impossible. I also have to be vigilant and aware that we face battles not of physical realities but spiritual ones also. I have to remind myself not to trust myself but rather to place my trust in the Lord of Hosts. Alone we (I) will fail but when I take a step back and realize that it is God alone that gives me the ability to do what ever He asks that I have power. It is not my power or intelligence or will or anything else rather it is He who dwells within me that subdues the former self and propels my soul further. It is that battle of wills that I must surrender my own will and allow the Divine Will to take over.
I was telling one of the nuns yesterday that I finally understood in the depth of my soul the Name of God. I told her it was one thing to be told it or read it but to know in a very intimate way the Holy Name of God is a moment that I think changes the soul. I heard a priest say it one time on the television and I must confess I only understood with the mind and not in the depth of my soul in a intimate way. I look back at the course of my life and the sufferings the joys and the knowledge that He was always with me to guide me home again. Even when I turned my back on God through sin and defiance - He never left me and brought me home into His Heart. We go to Easter Vigil Mass and see the work of God and His love for all of humankind through the ages played out. I look back on my life and see that same loving hand of God shepherding His most unworthy adopted son through the years. It moves be beyond words- which as you know from reading my ramblings is a difficult task. I know the name of God and His Name is Mercy. What ever Our Merciful God has planned for me regardless of the cost is fine. I am at peace for I know that if I can bring one more soul to His Mercy- before His Throne then I have done well. I don't know what Our Merciful God has planned for this unworthy soul but I know that as long as I keep my eyes fixed upon the Crucified and Risen Christ and with much prayer from Our Blessed Mother there is nothing that God can not do. I know that as long as I die to self and allow the Lord of Hosts who is Mercy to take over then all is well. My prayer is that you will over the next few weeks begin to see how God has been so loving and merciful in your life and will also come to know in the depth of your soul the Holy Name of God.
Omnia Pro Iesu Per Mariam!!
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