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"I am drowned beneath Your waves of Mercy."

Monday, January 02, 2006
Praised be Jesus Christ!! Now and Forever!!
A little something I wrote about my journey so far. It speaks of dark nights and the discernment of a soul. I can not promise it is compleatly free of a blunder but it should be read as a prayer-poem of love to God.

Your Love and Wisdom are relentless Lord God of Hosts.
You try me with fire and my soul breaks apart on the shores of Wisdom
By the unceasing and painful waves of Mercy.
I am blinded by Your Light and I begin to wail for relief.
I try to hide your Truth within and the pain of my soul becomes to hard to bear.
Why oh Mighty One should I speak?
Take this burden from me before me lest I fail You.

Your Love and Wisdom are relentless Lord God of Hosts.
I struggle to not accept this mantle for fear of the cross that awaits if I do.
Take this burden away from me lest I fail You.
Bound by fright, Your Light is painful Your Word to much to bear.
I want to just be and not accept Your Call.
I have the plan I want I did not desire this mission, Your Call.
I do not understand why and I do not understand how
And the pain of Your Wisdom and Love is too difficult to bear.
I am a wasteland of Your loving torments
I am drowned beneath Your waves of Mercy.

Am I fooling myself? Is this what You say?
This oh Lord must just be me.
Yet still in the quiet of the breeze
You call. "Come"
"Come and proclaim what you see!"
Yet I struggle and fight off the words.
For fear of unknown.
For fear of if it be true.
For fear of my doubts that crush me from within.
And Your Light blinds me and Your Love torments me to "Come"
To accept Your call.
To accept the mantle given and I can not choose another.

I want to speak but how can I?
I want to cry out but how can I?
Unless Your Spirit guides me.
But to accept Your Wisdom requires that I accept the mantle before me.
But it is not what I want and I am tormented by Your Love.
I feel trapped by the knowledge of Your Will and my desire to follow It
And my fears of life with out Your Wisdom and Will
And my fears of what happens if I submit to Your Will.
It is a circle of Merciful Loving torment as I wrestle within my soul.
I fight with all my might yet Your Light blinds me still.
Your Love strikes at my soul with blows of Mercy that I can not withstand.
I am a wasteland beneath Your loving torments.
I am drowned beneath Your waves.
I am exhausted and can not fight Your Love anymore.

I surrender! I surrender! I surrender to You Lord God of Hosts!
I await in silence. I await in silence.
I trust in You oh My King and Master.
Your Will shall be done.
I know not how and mine is not to ask how.
I know not why for mine is not to question.
Your Will my Loving God not mine.
You My Saving God and You Alone.
I trust in You oh Holy One- my Lord Jesus.

"Little steps my child" You tell me.
"Little steps and then you will know the next."
So, I trust in You and follow Your Will.
I take the little steps with the mantle and staff You have given me.
Where this will lead I know not where
For as long as I trust and remain in Your Love and Wisdom
I will go anywhere.
Peace comes to the soul that fought Him before.
Standing on Your Rock I can endure the storm.
For around me they fight and try to understand
Your Mercy is as infinite as the grains of the sand.

So I rejoice for this path that stands before me still
Where so few have trod
You walk by me still.
With my cross on my shoulder and Your staff in my hand
I call your children to look to You for Your Day, oh Lord,
Is now at hand.
Little steps I take with my eyes fixed on Thee.
You will tell me when to issue forth my call
You will tell me what I am to say.
Till that day I look upon Your Face with peace.
For with little steps,
Your servant goes forth singing "Lord Jesus I trust in Thee."
For Worthy are You Lord God so Worthy indeed
Your Truth is eternal and I will serve Thee.

Omnia Pro Iesu Per Mariam!!

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